tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82885622024-03-07T10:51:44.414-05:00The Secrets of Isiswalking on thin ice, i'm paying the price...Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.comBlogger761125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-4631145168324151632015-01-20T14:37:00.002-05:002015-01-20T14:37:53.249-05:00First attempt.So today I made my first attempt at machine piecing using the sewing machine my mother passed my way at Christmastime.<br />
<br />
Wait, back up: it was not my first attempt at sewing with this machine. When I got home, I immediately took it in for servicing, but once I got it home, I took a stab at a drawstring project bag for my knitting.<br />
<br />
I mean, how hard could that be? Just seam two sides of a fat quarter and make the opening for the drawstring?<br />
<br />
It turns out that reverse engineering, even for something so simple, is not so simple. That is one thing I learned that day.<br />
<br />
Another is: do not sew the body seams for the bag before making the long seams necessary for the drawstring part.<br />
<br />
Another is: you have to finish off the ends of that drawstring tube.<br />
<br />
Another is: do not sew shut the opening of the drawstring tube.<br />
<br />
All of which add up to maybe I should use a pattern instead of trying to reverse engineer right out of the gate.<br />
<br />
But my seam ripper and I are good friends now.<br />
<br />
Today, though, today ended with a satisfactory result:<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
First, there were some learning experiences. Such as when, in making one of those nice strips of squares, I sewed the seams so that one was on the wrong side, as it should be, and the other was on the right side.<br />
<br />
Oops.<br />
<br />
And then I did it again.<br />
<br />
Seriously, seam ripper?<br />
<br />
But now it looks pretty good. Here is the back:<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
You can see there is one wonky place where the seams did not quite line up right:<br />
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<br />
<br />
My cutting could have been more perfect, but at least I did not lose any digits or parts of digits to my razor cutter.<br />
<br />
My seaming could definitely be straighter, but I'm getting the hang of looking at the edge of the foot instead of the needle. And sometimes I can even maintain steady pressure on the pedal.<br />
<br />
Zoom!Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-66878968953518088932014-01-20T16:20:00.003-05:002014-01-20T16:20:49.362-05:00This is a story about control.<div class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://deeplanguage.blogspot.com/">Pem</a> wrote yesterday about <a href="http://deeplanguage.blogspot.com/2014/01/letting-go-of-control.html">letting go of control</a>, and about the challenge of learning to let go of control. I thought I would follow her good example, and try to put some of my own thoughts about this down, too.</div>
<br />
Go read her <a href="http://deeplanguage.blogspot.com/2014/01/letting-go-of-control.html">post</a>, because I want to write in response to it.<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">She writes, and I'm quoting selectively here, </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">The letting go of control I imagine is letting go (though not completely) of my role as researcher and advocate. … </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;">I realized I need to some extent to let Hospice be the ones who know what John needs. But then I have to face my own powerlessness instead of hiding it behind a front.</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 16px;">This resonates with me, although my situation is extremely different. Instead of being a care-giver, I frequently need a care-giver. Instead of struggling with a partner's illness, I am struggling with my own. And while I do not believe that I am dealing with an illness as extreme as John's, it has proven to be something beyond my control.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">I have long been invested in my ability to exert control over my situation, whether that situation is financial, academic, professional, athletic, or even (at least sometimes) emotional. I had gotten quite expert at not losing control--at being able instead to see what a situation requires and then take those steps. I keep a careful calendar. I turn off the lights. I watch my weight. I watch other drivers vigilantly. I listen for noises at night and when I hear something unusual, I devise a careful plan for dealing with it. I can swim 20 50s of freestyle on a fairly tight interval and keep my pace even, with a second's time.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">I think I believed that by taking control of things I could control them.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">This illness has taught me otherwise.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">I can monitor my sleep, my diet, what I drink, my activity, my meds, my workload, etc., etc., etc., and still not control how I will feel. I have studied and studied and studied. I have tried many things (and indeed), and I have not figured out "the answer."</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Because of my desire for control, this inability to control makes me crazy. I think I am not trying hard enough. I think that I have been a lax patient. I think I need to try harder, read more books, study more websites, see what I am missing.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">This has been an unproductive path.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Now I exist in a strange double-consciousness, where I continue to "seek the solution," as a former swim coach of mine says, as though this is a clear path with a definitive answer at the end. But I also practice letting go of control, accepting that there may not be an answer.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">I say practice, of course, because I need a lot more practice. Another former swim coach used to say (probably still does) that practice does not make perfect--perfect practice makes perfect.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">I have decided that that, too, is a false hope. When I practice acceptance, I draw on some of the techniques I have learned in swimming. I know, for instance, that a new skill feels rotten at first, like you are swimming wrong. And I know that "at first" really means "for a good long while," particularly when the skill you are trying to learn replaces years and years of doing things some other way. And I know how good--how deceptively good--it feels when you slip, and do it the old way, the wrong way.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">And I also know that there comes a time when you "get it," and the new skill finally clicks. There is still room for back-sliding, of course, but this is a big moment.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Anyway, practicing giving over control, and accepting how things are can be something like learning a new swimming skill, and like swimming, an effective practice is an attentive practice.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">But at the same time, there is this double-consciousness, and that need to seek the solution is there, too, which makes the acceptance complicated. And there is the chorus of voices recommending various cures that they have read about or heard about or that someone they know had success from. This chorus does not want to accept things for what they are. They seem to want me to remain in control (or at least this is the intention I tend to project on them). I get mad at them, this chorus, but really I think I am mad about my own dreams of a cure, and the ways that they hinder my letting go of control, my accepting things for what they are.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">In this world where we schedule, plan, set goals, and assess progress, it is always challenging to let things unfold as they will, to surrender control. I am not a person who believes in "God's plan," but I do know that the universe is a bigger and more complicated place than I can understand, and that by trying to control it, I can only misunderstand, and so misdirect.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Or, as T. S. Eliot has said,</span></span><br />
<blockquote>
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope<br />For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love<br />For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith<br />But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.<br />Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:<br />So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.<br />Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.<br />The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,<br />The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy<br />Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony<br /> Of death and birth.</blockquote>
Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-84518344058212270492014-01-16T09:28:00.005-05:002014-01-16T09:28:58.057-05:00Whoa! Caffeine!I HAD A CUP OF TEA THIS MORNING. IT WAS DELICIOUS.<br />
<br />
I AM NOW SUPER-AMPED.<br />
<br />
HAVE YOU GOT ANY LARGE OBJECTS THAT NEED LIFTING OR WORLD PROBLEMS THAT NEED SOLVING?Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-37274226804289104302014-01-15T11:51:00.000-05:002014-01-15T11:51:08.542-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 15: Not about Candida.<div class="MsoNormal">
So this year I have been serving on an important committee in my department, and back before I had to pull out of my classes, I agreed to chair it. I have continued to participate in and run committee meetings by Skype, but I decided that my chairing this committee is really not good for me or for the department, so I asked in December for other members to consider stepping forward.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the end of today’s meeting, after we
had selected a new chair, one of the members made the joke, “The
chair is dead. Long live the chair!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So fucking hilarious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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And so typical, I think, of people who have no idea what is
going on but can’t pass up the opportunity to crack a joke.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Would it be that hard for someone who is quite intelligent to see that saying this while the dead chair is in the room, the dead chair who is out on sick leave, might not be quite as hilarious as they think?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suppose he doesn't know, since I've not really mentioned it, that the likelihood of my returning to work is pretty small. Or that, in all likelihood, or for all practical purposes, my academic career, or at least my career in teaching, is dead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But even so. Even without that detail, how hard is it really to realize that this is not the thing to say to the person who has just explicitly said that she is stepping down because of sick leave?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, just as I forgive all those people whose response to chronic illness is to say "Hope you get well soon!" as having good intentions, even though their little toss-off comments offers me and my definitively-not-getting-better self yet another--because I get these comments over and over and over again--reminder of how not getting better I am, soon or not. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just as I forgive them, I need to forgive this little hilarious asshole, because he doesn't know better.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well honestly: when can we start expecting people to know better?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How hard is it, after all, to get beyond your own limited world-view and consider where someone else is coming from for a change?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And this from people who pride--yes pride--themselves on being enlightened about difference coming from race, class, gender, and sexuality, but wear their ableism like an arrogant badge of Don't Bother Me With Your Problems.</div>
Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-1055602821439232092014-01-14T16:59:00.003-05:002014-01-14T16:59:50.976-05:00Candida Cleanse, Lucky Day 13.It is the second to last day of this cleanse.<br />
<br />
Hallelujah.<br />
<br />
WARNING: POO DISCUSSION FOLLOWS.<br />
One thing I am really looking forward to is being able to take Metamucil (which has maltodextrin in it--a no-no). The magnesium supplement I used to take seemed to counterbalance the constipating effects of the verapamil, but the new one, recommended by my enviro-doc, does not. I planned to start the Metamucil back at the first of the year, but the ingredients said no.<br />
<br />
OK, POO DISCUSSION OVER.<br />
I am also really ready for a beer, or a glass of wine, or perhaps a scotch.<br />
<br />
And I have been pondering a small slice of cake. Or one of the Christmas cookies in my freezer.<br />
<br />
And truffle parmesan fries.<br />
<br />
And pizza.<br />
<br />
And TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA.<br />
<br />
I suppose I am at that part of the process where I can start to look forward to the "after," without just feeling bad to be in the "during." It reminds me of the late stages of a knitting project, when I am so so ready to be working on something else, but also committed to finish the thing I'm so close with.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-50767887866787093742014-01-13T17:00:00.003-05:002014-01-13T17:00:39.587-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 12: It's All in the Stock.Last night I made some ass-kicking soup, and I will tell you about it here. But as my title suggests, soup all depends on the stock, and this was righteous stock.<br />
<br />
I made this stock the day after Thanksgiving, with a carcass from a smallish heritage breed turkey, along with a lot of leftover vegetable parts and herbs from my Thanksgiving stuffing project, including onion skins, which gave it great color. And some added carrots. And a couple of bay leaves from my bay tree to surpass all bay trees. All in all, I got a pretty decent amount of quite delicious stock.<br />
<br />
Then over Christmas, our basement flooded, knocking out the motor on our chest freezer. Of all the things in there, I was saddest about losing two different batches of wonderful stock.<br />
<br />
So you can imagine my joy when we were unloading the dead freezer and taking photos of the perished food and I found that my containers of stock, since they were all pretty large, all had big chunks of ice in them, and could be refrozen.<br />
<br />
No, maybe you cannot imagine. My joy was immense.<br />
<br />
So I have been relishing this stock even more than usual. With half of the older batch of chicken and pork stock, and some beef bits from Greenbrier Farms (also a near loss of the freezer catastrophe) I made a Mexican-inflected beef stew. With the other half I made a chicken, veggie and lentil soup, but I went a little overboard on the carrots and parsnips and so the soup is a little too sweet for my taste. But still: it's hearty and wonderful and it has the magic stock.<br />
<br />
Last night I used the larger portion of the Thanksgiving turkey stock, along with chorizo, kale, and beruga lentils to make a very yum soup. Proportion-wise, there is a lot of kale in there, but it works, since the kale takes on the flavor of the stock in its little curly tendrils. And the Broncos won.<br />
<br />
Yay, soup!<br />
<br />
Swimming this morning taxed me. I was feeling pretty depleted of energy going in, since I've still not figured out how to feel nourished on this diet, and since there seems to have been a raucous cat party from about 3 a.m. onward this morning. So I suppose it should be no surprise that I got hit with a whopper of a headache. I am now, some seven hours later, no longer in bed and feeling more human.<br />
<br />
But I have soup for tonight, good nourishing, tasty, hearty soup.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-82842609737181230162014-01-12T10:10:00.000-05:002014-01-14T16:53:39.860-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 11: Sigh.I hate to say this, but I fear I may be reaching the point where I see that this approach to my migraine disease is not working any more than any of the many other approaches I have taken.<br />
<br />
These include, and I'm sure I'm forgetting something:<br />
DRUGS:<br />
Calcium-channel blockers<br />
Beta-blockers<br />
Topamax (actually, this might have worked, but I couldn't tolerate it)<br />
Magnesium supplements<br />
Melatonin supplements<br />
Muti-vitamin supplements<br />
DHE injections<br />
Steroid pack<br />
Lidocaine injection up my nose<br />
<br />
LIFESTYLE CHANGES / OTHER THERAPIES:<br />
Eliminate alcohol for a designated period<br />
Eliminate caffeine for a designated period<br />
Eliminate gluten, eggs, and dairy for a designated period<br />
Stop exercising<br />
Start exercising again<br />
Exercise every day<br />
Maintain very regular sleep patterns<br />
Drink gallons of water<br />
Go off hormonal birth control<br />
Acupuncture (with and without TENS)<br />
Massage<br />
Cranio-sacral massage<br />
<br />
Granted, there are variations: Currently, I am not having much trouble with vertigo, and to be fair, I don't know whether this is one of these no-vertigo phases (since it comes and goes), or whether the cleanse has done away with it.<br />
<br />
And I have generally been sleeping better--less likely to wake up in the middle of the night. I don't recall this happening during any of the other eliminations I did, which makes me think that the mid-session sleep disruption <i>may</i> have to do with simple carbs in my diet. When I gave up gluten before, I found non-wheat carbs to eat in its place, so this is the first time I've really purged carbs from my diet.<br />
<br />
Speaking of which, it really surprises me that I can have a lunch, say, consisting of a good bit of white-meat chicken (with skin) and roasted brussels sprouts, and almost immediately feel like I am hungry again. Perhaps since I am not usually a huge meat eater my body has not yet found a way to satiate itself on protein.<br />
<br />
But what it feels like is that my body is eating itself, all the time. And I guess it is, given that I am down 6 pounds in 11 days.<br />
<br />
And I can say with certainty that of those 11 days, I have had migraine symptoms at a level that they slow me down on 6 of the days. Granted: I am not working, so I may be quicker to decide to lie down when I don't feel well than I would if I were working, but still. I'm not pleased with those numbers.<br />
<br />
Since I am getting to the point where the end of this two-week period is in sight, I'm beginning to wonder how to proceed at the end. I do know that I do not want to continue with this diet <i>completely</i>. But in one book that I read, the author advocated maintaining the diet 80% of the time, as a way to keep <i>Candida</i> from coming back. (Side note: since there was never a test, I do not really know whether I had it or not.) And I do think that a diet very low in highly processed carbohydrates is a good thing, generally.<br />
<br />
But I am not interested in continuing to lack the possibility of a glass of wine with dinner, or a cup of caffeinated tea when my head hurts (it does help), or eating in a restaurant once in a while (very very difficult given all the classes of food that are currently excluded), or excluding an entire class of nutrients.<br />
<br />
And while I am glad for the weight loss, and know I could stand to lose quite a bit more, the feeling of my body eating itself is not something I want to continue.<br />
<br />
<b>P.S. Dreams:</b> Last night I had a long dream about relishing a big frosting-laden cinnamon roll. In the dream, it was endless, as was my ability to keep eating it. Later in the night, I had dreams about friends sending me frosted doughnuts, and how happy I was. Still later, I dreamt that I was driving home from somewhere, a long drive at night, and I was drinking a Coke, but then realized I was having sugar and caffeine.<br />
<br />
Earlier in this cleanse, I had dreams about cinnamon rolls, but they were kind of awful, like Oh no! I ate some of that cinnamon roll! Now my cleanse is shot! This time, in the cinnamon roll dream anyway, there was none of that.<br />
<br />
I do not typically have food dreams, but I used to when I was training seriously for triathlon, and so riding my bike 4-5 times a week, swimming 3 times a week, and running twice a week. Back then, the dreams involved walking through bakeries or buffets with endless platters and baskets of beautiful pastries, and wondering which one/s I would choose.<br />
<br />
So I do not know whether the dreams now are like sex dreams, manifestations of cravings I try to suppress during the day, or an indication that, like before, my body is short on sustenance and pleading for help.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-17170357246441883442014-01-09T09:51:00.001-05:002014-01-09T09:51:21.321-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 8: BANANAS.According to the rules of my Candida Cleanse, I can have 1-2 fresh fruits a day, starting today.<br />
<br />
Woohoo!<br />
<br />
Yesterday a friend suggested that if they allow one piece of fruit, why not make it a watermelon? I see his point, and yet. . . .<br />
<br />
This morning I cut up half a banana and put it under my usual oatmeal concoction. Delicious!<br />
<br />
Also, I feel hopeful that since I successfully followed the rules for 7 days, I can do it for another 7 days.<br />
<br />
LAST NIGHT'S DINNER<br />
Left-over pork green chili (made by the PP on Sunday--delicious) with corn chips<br />
Fizzy water with lime<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST<br />
2 cups rooibos tea<br />
Oatmeal with butter, sliced almonds, and BANANASIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-33579993667708744132014-01-08T16:55:00.002-05:002014-01-08T16:55:23.201-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 7.Today is officially the last day of the first week of this cleanse. That gives me hope that it also has an ending.<br />
<br />
We got a lovely dinner invitation from some wonderful neighbors for this weekend. Do I go, but eat first? Go, but first ask what they're making? Not go? Somehow the prospect of being invited over by someone had not crossed my mind at all, so not entered the planning at all.<br />
<br />
I awoke feeling very weary today. Not really sleepy: I slept fine last night.<br />
<br />
But with this illness I have learned that there are days where it is just harder to deal with the symptoms, even though the symptoms themselves may not be any worse. These are the days I find the hardest--where I most feel that I should buck up and do better.<br />
<br />
But I am trying to practice self-care and self-forgiveness, so instead of forcing myself through work, I am taking an easy day: catching up on the season opener of <i>Downton Abbey</i>, knitting on the lace scarf I'm making for my local yarn shop, watching a DVD I got from the library.<br />
<br />
These are the days when I find it hardest to imagine encountering other people, because I don't feel that bad physically, but it is still hard to explain that that does not make it a good day.<br />
<br />
These are the days that help me understand how people with illnesses and disabilities withdraw from the world. It is not that I feel depressed, but I just don't feel like living on the world's terms today.<br />
<br />
This is the kind of day that makes me grateful to be on sick leave, even though I am also extremely aware that everyone else is going back to classes. And if I'm being honest, also sorry for myself that I am in this situation.<br />
<br />
But mostly it's not that: I really like being able to live my own rhythm, a rhythm determined not by an academic schedule--though that is there, too, as a kind of rhythm against which mine pushes. I notice the changes in the sunlight more, and what it feels like that today is so much warmer than yesterday.<br />
<br />
I am conscious of living in my own head quite a bit, but not sorry about that. Granted, the realization can be jarring: I find myself almost offended by other people's opinions, once I hear them, as though they are an intrusion.<br />
<br />
I am content with windows, not really wanting to put out the effort to dress in outside clothes, or move myself beyond the house. I am glad that I walked to the library yesterday, to remember what 11 F feels like, but the fact that it is warmer today does not create an imperative to get out in it again.<br />
<br />
I decided not to swim this morning, because I did not feel up dealing with people, or putting out the big effort of a workout, or putting on goggles for that matter.<br />
<br />
None of this is to say that I want this for every day, but for today, I am OK with it.<br />
<br />
LAST NIGHT'S DINNER<br />
Taco Night!<br />
Blend of ground beef and pork with a spice blend adapted from <a href="http://wholenewmom.com/whole-new-budget/homemade-taco-seasoning/">here</a> (though I added 1 Tbsp green chili to her concoction, because I had it, and I used fresh onion and garlic instead of the powder: for about 2 lbs of meat, I used the entire spice recipe)<br />
Taco shells<br />
Rotel tomatoes with green chilis<br />
Black olives<br />
Cilantro<br />
Fizzy water with lime<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST<br />
Oatmeal with butter, almonds, nutmeg<br />
2 cups rooibos tea<br />
<br />
LUNCH<br />
Taco salad, with leftover taco meat from last night, lettuce, rotel tomatoes with chilis, and olive oil and lime juice for dressing<br />
<br />
SNACK<br />
Sweet potato chipsIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-86712577390311368212014-01-07T15:00:00.003-05:002014-01-07T15:00:43.206-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 6: The Polar Vortex.In between work today, I have spent entirely too much time on Facebook cracking jokes about the Polar Vortex. Is it a good name for a bar? A super-villain? A super-power? A starship? The Borg? A Cylon? (Does it have a plan?) Something akin to the Force? The name of a girl gang? And so on and so on and so on and then it hit me:<br />
<br />
I have not really been thinking about my Candida Cleanse today.<br />
<br />
That is a good feeling, because last night I got pretty weepy and sorry for myself about having to limit what I eat and drink (Water again? Yes, thank you), not really being able to go out to eat or order in because I have to be so careful, what a drag it is to have to cook every single meal, and all while I'm already trying to fight off feeling sorry for myself because I AM ON SICK LEAVE FOR PETE'S SAKE and am already struggling with an unpredictable and generally crappy disease.<br />
<br />
So to not be thinking about food is awesome.<br />
<br />
Less awesome is that I have kind of gotten tired of the few snacks I can have, and so have the cats. The PP likes to share food with the cats, so they are always checking out what we are eating, with their little hopeful eyes. And they keep turning away in disgust from my carrots and celery, hummus and almond butter. In fact, one of them even snorted her disgust.<br />
<br />
I feel your pain, little spoiled cats.<br />
<br />
But for today, I am enjoying the hell out of the Polar Vortex. And I understand tonight is Taco Night!<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST:<br />
Oatmeal with butter and almonds<br />
2 cups rooibos tea<br />
<br />
SNACK:<br />
Celery with almond butter<br />
<br />
ANOTHER SNACK (scheduling SNAFU meant no real lunch):<br />
Carrots with hummusIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-3118347021412580262014-01-06T15:25:00.003-05:002014-01-08T16:56:29.086-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 5: UPDATEWithin one hour of finishing my wonderful second breakfast of champions, I was DYING for sugar.<br />
<br />
I turned to my trusty almond butter, which scratches the sweet itch, but this suggests that I have not adapted to the new diet as fully as my previous message may have, in its post-workout endorphin-powered bliss, suggested (read: wanted to believe).Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-51737938477245474032014-01-06T11:47:00.001-05:002014-01-06T11:47:47.200-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 5: Second Breakfast of Champions.Today was my first real swim practice since the holidays: yes, I had been to the pool <i>on my own</i> twice, but not for a coached workout.<br />
<br />
Wouldn't you know that I would pick Give-Up Fly day?<br />
<br />
NOTE: Not <a href="http://www.muzu.tv/marvin-gaye/got-to-give-it-up-video/42030/">Got to Give It Up</a> Fly, Marvin.<br />
<br />
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<i>Damn.</i></div>
<br />
So here is how Give-Up Fly works:<br />
You start out swimming 50s, with fins on. For the first 50, you do one stroke of fly, and then the rest free. For the second 50, you do two strokes of fly, and then the rest free. For the third 50, you do three strokes of fly, and then the rest free. You get the idea.<br />
<br />
At a certain point--when you get to where you're swimming an entire 50 of fly--you upgrade from 50s to 100s. In theory, I suppose, you would then upgrade to 150s, but I didn't make it that far.<br />
<br />
So I did my upgrade at 16 strokes: that made for 2 full lengths of fly, and then the added 50 was all free.<br />
<br />
I have done this set before. That time, I completed the 16th one, but then died on number 17, because I was trying not to breathe on the first stroke off the wall.<br />
<br />
Believe me, you need to breathe on the first stroke off the wall. Maybe not on the first 25, since there is a rest interval, but on the others. And this time, coach had me trying to breathe every stroke for the second and third lengths: doing that requires more power, but at least you have oxygen in your blood.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this time I made it to number 24, so completing three full lengths of fly. I could really feel my stroke technique deteriorating on the last few, and I was doing backstroke rather than free for the remaining strokes, but I'm proud I made it to the full 75.<br />
<br />
That made for 1650 yards for the set, and roughly half of it fly.<br />
<br />
The rest of the practice was a 1000-yard warm-up and a 350-yard cool-down, for 3000 yards in 70 minutes.<br />
<br />
This is a HUGE improvement over Saturday. Part of this, I know, is that the set requires focus, and that kept my mind off how bad I felt. (Well, sort of.) But I do think my body is adapting to the cleanse diet, and I am very pleased that I was able to complete that practice.<br />
<br />
When I came back, I sliced up and heated two of those pre-cooked turkey sausages that the PP had kindly found me at Whole Foods, reheated some left-over kale, and had the most awesome second breakfast ever.<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST:<br />
Oatmeal with butter, slivered almonds, and nutmeg (nice!)<br />
2 cups rooibos tea<br />
<br />
SECOND BREAKFAST:<br />
2 pre-cooked turkey sausages<br />
some left-over kale, which, by the way, I had way over-salted<br />
another cup of rooibos teaIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-17692236599103944952014-01-05T16:17:00.002-05:002014-01-05T16:17:39.787-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 3 UPDATE: A Confession about Butter.So yesterday late afternoon,<i> i.e.</i>, Day 3, PP grilled some very nice turkey bratwurst for our dinner. You may remember that <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2014/01/candida-cleanse-day-3-exercise.html">I was having some fat cravings after my swim</a>. I also roasted some diced brussels sprouts in olive oil, with sliced garlic, sea salt (N.B.: iodized salt has sugar in it), and pepper, and then some lemon juice on the top after the cooking. It was pretty tasty, though I admit that the turkey bratwurst was a little dry--not the big juicy sausage experience I was hoping for.<br />
<br />
Anyway, since we ate early, I found myself wanting a snack later--kind of "dessert"--so I made us popcorn with butter. The first time that I had done this, I had used way too little butter, so it didn't really scratch the "fat" itch, which was as close to dessert as I come.<br />
<br />
Friends, this time I may have overdone it.<br />
<br />
Indeed, there may have been a little pool of butter at the bottom of the bowl.<br />
<br />
And it was delicious.<br />
<br />
But I am embarrassed.<br />
<br />
Next time, PP says, he'll butter his own popcorn. But I noticed that the didn't leave any behind.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-44217156605085774122014-01-05T16:09:00.002-05:002014-01-05T16:18:13.855-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 4: How I Was Saved from Giving Blood.So, like a big doofus, I thought I would give blood today.<br />
<br />
It was kind of like an impulse buy, as we were walking into of all places <i>Best Buy</i>, so that the PP could return the fritzy stereo he had purchased for my birthday. (But props to the PP: he also dragged his ass around the basement and wired the house so that my study stereo, also hooked to the computer, can play throughout the house.) Anyway, I figured he would be in line for a while, so why not give blood?<br />
<br />
Because I am taking diflucan for a possible fungal infection, that's why.<br />
<br />
But please imagine the situation. The person in scrubs filling out my form on the computer asks me whether I am on any antibiotics. No. Do I have any infections? Well, now that is a harder one. I was never tested for an overgrowth of <i>Candida</i>, so technically I don't know. (This kind of detailed thinking always gets me in trouble.) So I say, "Well, I am taking an anti-fungal for <i>Candida</i>."<br />
<br />
"<i>Candida</i>?" says the person in scrubs, "What is that?"<br />
<br />
So I have to explain that it is this thing where, you know, your good gut bacteria get overwhelmed by a yeast, that is common and not harmful except when it overgrows, and this is an idea prevalent in the world of alternative medicine but doubted by the mainstream….<br />
<br />
She started flipping through the laminated pages of her Big Binder of Conditions That Preclude You From Giving Blood.<br />
<br />
I say, "I'm taking diflucan."<br />
<br />
She says "That's what they give for yeast infections. Are you sure it's just in your intestines?"<br />
<br />
I tell her that I have no idea. I do not tell her that I do not really know if it is there at all. She flips some more and finally says, "No."<br />
<br />
And I tell you, I felt rejected, but a little relieved, because by then I had remembered that after you give blood, when you're feeling all woozy and prone to passing out, they give you juice and cookies. I would have had to say, "Have you got any water maybe with lime juice squeezed in it and a whole-wheat yeast-free cracker instead?" Which probably would not work the magic of the sugar, which is all pretty much the point.<br />
<br />
I asked her whether verapamil, a calcium-channel blocker that I take for migraine, is on her list of prohibited meds, and it is not, though I should not give blood if I have a heart condition. I do not.<br />
<br />
She also said that I should not give blood if I have had a headache in the last few hours, because the loss of blood would bring one on for sure.<br />
<br />
And so I started wondering: Would "have you had a headache in the last couple of hours?" have been on her list of 50 questions, any one of which might have ruled me out? Because the problem there is that although I had actually had a pretty great morning, no pain, minimal sensory disruption, my sense is that my migraine symptoms--if that is even what this is at all--do not ever fully go away.<br />
<br />
And then I would have been in the position of trying to decide whether I was strong enough to give blood and save a life, even though it might give me a whopper headache.<br />
<br />
And frankly, I am glad I did not have to make that decision, because there is enough about this disease that makes me feel like a big selfish whiny baby, without that too.<br />
<br />
(But maybe the time I spent in the UK during the mad cow years would have gotten me a break.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, before all this, we did have a nice time at the Whole Foods finding yummy things I can eat, like Sweet Potato Chips and Brad's Raw Chips (Indian flavor! Tastes like real Indians!) and more rooibos and herbal tea and mustard greens and mild Italian pork sausage and pork bratwurst (the only 2 pork sausages we could find without sugar) and cauliflower and hummus and some more great stuff that I can't remember right now.<br />
<br />
I did look mournfully at the cheese.<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST<br />
Oatmeal with butter and almonds<br />
Rooibos tea<br />
<br />
SNACK BEFORE SHOPPING<br />
3 triscuits with almond butter<br />
<br />
LUNCH<br />
Leftover spicy beef stew (yumsville)<br />
More rooibos tea<br />
A handful of the sweet potato chips, because I simply could not resist.<br />
<br />
SNACK WHILE BLOGGING<br />
Assorted salty nuts (not peanuts)Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-15507025909674095872014-01-04T14:37:00.000-05:002014-01-04T14:37:06.643-05:00Candida Cleanse Day 3: Exercise.Thanks to persistent migraine symptoms, today was the first day that I did real exercise since I started <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2014/01/candida-cleanse-day-2-viscous.html">my austerity measures</a>. (I did walk to and from the library yesterday, but not at any great pace.)<br />
<br />
Yow.<br />
<br />
Granted, I was off last week because of Christmas, and most of the week before that because of bad migraine attacks, but I did go for walks with my father most days while we were visiting, and I did have a pleasant swim (2300y) on Monday. Besides, it is not as though I was doing anything <i>that</i> strenuous today, and my distance was 2000y over a little over 40 mins. (A typical coached swim practice clocks in at 3000-4000, and 85-90 mins.).<br />
<br />
And to be clear, I am not talking about the uptick in migraine symptoms that I often feel during practice, since <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-3-just-shoot.html">exercise is a sure-fire migraine trigger</a>: weakness in my right arm and leg, distorted sensation (cold patches, numbness, tingling) in those limbs, some head and face pain in various places.<br />
<br />
I think my muscles were feeling the lack of carbohydrates.<br />
<br />
To be clear, it is not as though I have had <i>no</i> carbs, but I have had quite a bit less, and they are all in the form of whole grains and vegetables.<br />
<br />
My legs felt very heavy very fast--as though I had had a big kick workout yesterday. And now that it's over, I feel like I really pushed myself--as though I swam really long or really hard or both.<br />
<br />
And I am craving fatty meat like crazy. The trick, of course, is that most readily available examples of same (bacon, pork sausage, pepperoni, salami) have some form of sugar in them, and so are off limits. I did have a post-swim snack of carrots and almond butter, and now I can look at the cats without thinking of them as meat.<br />
<br />
The good news is that turkey bratwurst are on the menu for tonight, but damn, couldn't they be pork? Or how about pork belly?<br />
<br />
I am curious to see whether I will adapt to this, or whether the lack of carbs will be a hindrance to my workouts.<br />
<br />
By the way, I did a weigh-in when I began, and I weighed myself again this morning under the same conditions: I had lost 4.4 pounds. I figure at least some of that has to be the result of the usual day-to-day fluctuations, but still: I find so quick a drop a little scary. Perhaps that amount of weight loss is also contributing to my difficulty working out--and to the fatty meat cravings.<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST:<br />
Turkey sausage with sun-dried tomatoes, grits (the real kind) cooked in chicken broth, salt & pepper<br />
2 cups of rooibos tea<br />
<br />
SNACK BEFORE SWIMMING:<br />
5 Triscuits with almond butter<br />
<br />
SNACK AFTER SWIMMING:<br />
Carrots with almond butterIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-70972217918893448912014-01-03T17:23:00.000-05:002014-01-03T17:23:01.756-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 2: The Viscous Properties of Almond ButterDid you know that although that tub of almond butter looks like it could spill if you tip it too quickly, that when you try to dig a spoon or a carrot into it, it will resist mightily? And that within just a few minutes of your violent removal of some part of it, there will be virtually no trace of your crime?<br />
<br />
But do not carve out too much of it onto your spoon, expecting to eat it like a peanut butter lollipop, unless you're happy with the idea of almond butter down your front.<br />
<br />
Cats think they want it, but one taste assures them that they do not.<br />
<br />
The taste is remarkably sweet, like marzipan, especially if you have not had refined sugar in a couple of days.<br />
<br />
This is something I am loving about this cleanse: realizing how sweet various "unsweetened" things are, and how the ubiquity of sugar in our day-to-day American diet dulls our ability to notice this on our own.<br />
<br />
Or anyway, my own.<br />
<br />
BREAKFAST:<br />
Carrots with almond butter<br />
Rooibos tea<br />
<br />
SNACK:<br />
Popcorn with butter and salt (I'm hoping this is OK: I think it is a whole grain)<br />
<br />
ANOTHER SNACK, SINCE I MAY HAVE OVERDONE IT ON THE BUTTER:<br />
Kale sauteed in olive oil, with salt and pepper<br />
[Yes, I really should have had a real lunch. I'll be more careful about that tomorrow.]<br />
<br />
YES ANOTHER SNACK, BECAUSE DINNER ISN'T FOR A WHILE:<br />
Big honking spoonful of almond butter<br />
<br />
FOR DINNER TONIGHT:<br />
Chicken soup I made this afternoon, with stock that I rescued from my flood-destroyed freezer: I've added more chicken (also a flooded-out freezer refugee), carrots, parsnips, celery, le puy lentils, fresh parsley and sage, dried thyme, bay leaves, red pepper flakes, and more salt and pepper.<br />
<br />
All in all, this has not been bad. I did miss being able to have a crisp white wine with the perfectly-spiced grilled halibut and asparagus we had for dinner last night. (Confession: I took a deep sniff of the PP's Dale's Pale Ale. I hope yeast doesn't get into your gut through your nose.)<br />
<br />
And while I miss sweets, I miss my milky morning tea more. The last several mornings, I've awakened with a headache, and I realize that usually my morning cup of tea nips it. Now there is nothing to nip it. This is useful information to pass along to my headache doctor.<br />
<br />
But for now, because migraine symptoms are no fun to think about or write about, I'll return to ruminating on the wondrous properties of almond butter.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-52342446826037116512014-01-02T11:55:00.003-05:002014-01-03T17:24:54.901-05:00Candida Cleanse, Day 1: My kingdom for a Christmas cookie!My buddy Sarah suggested that I blog my experience with my Candida Cleanse, so welcome back. The fun begins today.<br />
<br />
Basically, the plan is this: take anti-fungal meds and maintain a special diet for two weeks, in hopes of killing off yeast that may have taken root in my system. For those of you who like Latin, we are talking about <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candida_(fungus)">Candida albicans</a></i>, a kind of fungus that can overgrow in the body thanks to taking a lot of antibiotics, or other causes.<br />
<br />
(For those of you wondering whether I have taken a lot of antibiotics and some point, look <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/phenergans-wake-short-version.html">here</a> and <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/picc-up-pieces-say-what.html">here</a>, or really just start reading in April 2007 and come forwards for a while.)<br />
<br />
The alternative medicine world is big into Candida as a health problem. The lame stream medical world is dubious. I figure, will two weeks of a limited diet kill me? Probably not.<br />
<br />
Maybe.<br />
<br />
But I hope not.<br />
<br />
Briefly, I can eat any meat and veggies, beans and legumes (except peanuts), any nuts and seeds (except peanuts), any oils, whole grains (whole only, without yeast or sugar), and herbal tea.<br />
<br />
After the first week, I can eat 1-2 pieces of fruit a day.<br />
<br />
Attentive readers--or is anyone reading this?--will notice the exclusion of these items: sugar of any kind, yeast, vinegar, caffeine, alcohol, dairy products (butter is OK), dried fruit, melons, malted products (like soy sauce), and other fungi (like mushrooms or truffles).<br />
<br />
So starting today meant that I did some shopping yesterday.<br />
<br />
If you would like a good primer in processed food, try this fun exercise: go to the store and look for packaged food containing no kind of sweetener. Find anything? I didn't think so.<br />
<br />
Or, if you did, is it yeast-free? Vinegar-free?<br />
<br />
Prepare to cook for yourself.<br />
<br />
So last night I made a big pot of Mexican-inflected beef stew, which we ate with quinoa. And of course there are left-overs.<br />
<br />
One setback this morning: I opened up a package of fancy organic chicken sausages to cook some up for a snack, only to find that something was very very wrong, and that opening the package had released an odor of raw sewage into the kitchen.<br />
<br />
Mmmmmm breakfast.<br />
<br />
So far today:<br />
BREAKFAST<br />
cup of herbal tea (which did exactly nothing to help me wake up)<br />
bowl of oatmeal with butter and slivered almonds<br />
<br />
Downside thus far: Caffeine is my wonder-worker for migraine attacks, and thanks to the weather, I got a doozie this morning, worsened without my usual morning cup of tea. Excedrin migraine is out. And triptans were overused to get through the holiday, so I'm bearing through on heat pads, cold packs, and naps. And nice kitties. And an accommodating PP.<br />
<br />
SNACK:<br />
a few nuts<br />
<br />
Then I was already to cook up a nice sausage, because I had been napping and dreaming of hamburgers, but then the sewage smell and here we are. Luckily for me, PP offered to go out for some other kind of meat and some other things.<br />
<br />
So stay tuned. "Two weeks" seemed very manageable when it was off in the distant future. This morning it feels like an eternity.<br />
<br />
UPDATED TO ADD: Here is the rest of my food from the day.<br />
LUNCH:<br />
a pre-cooked and so just warmed up chicken and sun-dried tomato sausage that the PP kindly found me at Whole Foods<br />
more of that tasty beef stew from last night<br />
<br />
AFTERNOON SNACK:<br />
popcorn with butter and salt<br />
<br />
DINNER:<br />
grilled spiced halibut with asparagus<br />
fizzy water with lime juiceIsishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-31126363874113569702012-06-29T17:31:00.003-04:002012-06-29T17:33:06.353-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #29: "More Often Than Not"So apparently today is Chronic Migraine Awareness Day.<br />
<br />
Lucky for me, I do not need my awareness heightened, since chronic migraine makes itself quite known to me most days, thank you, and today is no exception.<br />
<br />
But for those of you unfamiliar with the condition, Teri Roberts has a terrifically informative <a href="http://www.puttingourheadstogether.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-29.html">post</a> over at <i><a href="http://www.puttingourheadstogether.com/">Putting Our Heads Together</a></i>. She also offers a very useful definition of chronic migraine:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 13px;"><a href="http://www.puttingourheadstogether.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-29.html">As defined in the International Headache Society's International Classification of Headache Disorders, Second Edition (ICHD-II), which is the gold standard for diagnosing and classifying Migraine and other headache disorders, chronic Migraine is Migraine or tension-type headache 15 or more days per month with at least eight of those being Migraine. In other words, people with chronic Migraine are in pain more often than not. Some people actually have a Migraine or headache every day. You can read more about chronic Migraine in</a> <em style="color: #1155cc;"> <a href="http://www.helpforheadaches.com/articles/2011/Chronic-Migraine.htm">Chronic Migraine - What Is It?</a></em></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
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Today's National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge prompt is:</div>
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</div>
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<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_100859711">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #29: "More Often than Not"</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-29-more-often-than-not.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HeadacheDisorderAwareness+%28Headache+Disorder+Awareness%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">Today is Chronic Migraine Awareness Day. People with Chronic Migraine have a Migraine or headache more often than not. Think of and share a random act of kindness that you can do for someone with Chronic Migraine.</a></div>
</blockquote>
I am a little uncomfortable with this challenge, because to me it feels like a plea for favors, with which I am deeply uncomfortable. If you are interested in suggestions made by other bloggers, you can find them in the posts linked in the comments <a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-29-more-often-than-not.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HeadacheDisorderAwareness+%28Headache+Disorder+Awareness%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">here</a>.<br />
<br />
I think the nicest thing a person could do for a chronic migraineur is try to understand. Knowing the ICHD-II definition is an important start, because then you know that a chronic migraineur is not making this up, that it is not in their head, that they are not exaggerating, and that really this is not something that is going to go away tomorrow.<br />
<br />
But beyond that, understanding that there are more days than not that a person might not be their best at work, or might not be up for something fun, or might have to cancel at the last minute (again!), or might not answer their phone, or whatever.<br />
<br />
And if you happen to run into that person and they have that horrible scrunched-up look on their face, or they seem spaced out, or you've found them lying on their office floor with the lights off, you might ask if you could bring them a coke, or a snack, or something like that.<br />
<br />
The thing is, gestures of kindness need not be large to be very, very appreciated.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-26570711743480923902012-06-26T13:15:00.001-04:002012-06-26T13:15:12.466-04:00Some Migraine-related Links of Isis.I have kind of run out of steam on following the National Migraine Awareness Month blogging prompts. Nothing against the prompts themselves, but they have not been speaking to me personally. So instead, I might try finishing up the month with some unprompted blogs.<br />
<br />
Today, though, I just want to give you some links.<br />
<br />
I just read over at "<a href="http://thatmword.com/">That M Word: A Migraine Blog</a>" <a href="http://thatmword.com/post/25922312590/living-the-spoon-theory">this post</a> about what migraine looks like from the outside--and about family and friends who want to understand but don't (yet?). The writer (who does not name herself) mentioned "The Spoon Theory," with which I was not familiar, so of course I had to follow the link trail back to it.<br />
<br />
Here it is: "<a href="http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/">The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino</a>."<br />
<br />
What an incredible way to understand chronic illness--and the perfect metaphor for short-handing the challenges it poses.<br />
<br />
This article--"<a href="http://www.wellnesstimes.com/health-resources/articles/headache">Migraine</a>"--is a nice, general introduction to migraine disease--what it is, what we think we know about it, and ways we try to treat it. My only complaint about it is that, once again, the typical progression arc of a migraine is represented without much acknowledgement that that is not the only pattern. I frequently find myself reading these narratives saying, "Yes, those sound like my aura symptoms--but what don't they go away before the headache? And why do they often appear and disappear randomly, or persist for days?"<br />
<br />
This article--"<a href="http://www.boston.com/dailydose/2012/06/21/when-headache-never-goes-away/fVy1pWGx1cJlSXhrgqFJNO/story.html">When a headache never goes away</a>"--interests me because it offers a theory of headache disorders that is completely different from anything I have yet encountered. I had never heard of cytokines before, and now I am eager to learn more. I have shied away from a lumbar puncture (1) because of earlier bad experiences with needles, and (2) because they frequently bring on horrible, long-lasting headaches, but perhaps it is worth considering.<br />
<br />
And more than anything, that last link offers me encouragement that there is always another thing to try. I confess that I oscillate between trying things--new drugs, an MRI of my brain, old drugs but just one more time, an MRI of my neck, no gluten, an EEG, no dairy, a new pillow, shock-testing for nerve firing, blood tests, massage, urine tests, another new pillow, no eggs, feverfew, a serious yoga program, no caffeine, no alcohol, chiropractic, physical therapy, etc., etc.--and trying to practice acceptance. Oddly--and confusingly--I often try both at once: I keep searching for improvement, but I also try to accept that this is just how things are now. But when I read an article in a reputable source about some new way that a doctor has come to understand migraine, well, I get more optimistic, reminding me that new knowledge does evolve.Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-75381702638240427792012-06-17T19:38:00.003-04:002012-06-17T19:38:45.576-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #17: "Father Knows Best"I really need to title today's post "Father Knows Best, and So Does Mother," because both my parents have been remarkably supportive of what I've been trying to deal with around migraine.<br />
<br />
So thanks to both of you.<br />
<br />
Today's prompt reads:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px; text-align: left;">
<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_201655158">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #17: "Father Knows Best"</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-17-father-knows-best.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HeadacheDisorderAwareness+%28Headache+Disorder+Awareness%29">Some understand Migraines, some don't. It's Father's Day. Write a letter to your father or the man closest to you, and talk to him about your Migraines.</a></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
I figure the prompt is focused on fathers, because we are in June, and so we encounter father's day. But I don't see a need to masculinist about my post.<br />
<br />
Dear Dad & Mom,<br />
<br />
Thank you for loving me, regardless of the various difficult challenges I have faced in my life. I am and always have been grateful to have you both in my life--as parents, as role models, as confidantes, and as friends.<br />
<br />
As this is Migraine Awareness Month, I will speak to issues specifically surrounding migraine.<br />
<br />
Mom, thanks for helping me understand this disease, through your own experience with it.<br />
<br />
Both of you, thank you for being understanding and kind as I've tried to navigate my way to an understanding of what Migraine presents--its challenges, its symptoms, its unpredictable nature, its complications, the way it intrudes on things I'd rather be doing, the way it changes my sense of who I am.<br />
<br />
It means a great deal to me that when we talk on the phone, you always ask how I have been feeling, and that you want so much for me to feel better. But not for me to pretend to feel better, just to make things better for you, and for other people. I am grateful that you appreciate how complicated this experience is, and how it infringes on so many things.<br />
<br />
It means even more to me that when we are together you are so flexible about what I can and cannot do, and that you trust me to do what I can, and to rest when I need to. In many ways, that makes it easier for me to try to be as strong as I can.<br />
<br />
And I appreciate your willingness to go along with the various attempts I have made to make things better--giving up gluten and dairy and eggs right at Christmas, going without caffeine, going without alcohol, even though none of things has brought a solution--even though I know they make things harder for everyone else, too.<br />
<br />
Most of all, I love knowing how much you love me, and how much you want these things to be better. Every time I can see that love, it makes me stronger.<br />
<br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i><br />Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-7800072012953884102012-06-12T18:29:00.000-04:002012-06-12T18:29:42.497-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #12: All your sanity and wits, they will all vanish (I promise)I admit it: I am playing a little fast and loose with today's Migraine Awareness Month prompt. I hope that by now you are all decked out in your little purple ribbons, in solidarity with me and other migraineurs everywhere.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiQJD813g07b-GRDwV1HJffORj7_F7Pg4xGeROkkZX2WHp8Hu7ouxSaq0aTJj371Zm3dTAx_7cvCJN1o9d7LttCof8z67_NplpdsY1GUFvHwFCbBrX2Tg8FnFiz1FoCoG4a6ZO1g/s1600/Purple+Ribbon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiQJD813g07b-GRDwV1HJffORj7_F7Pg4xGeROkkZX2WHp8Hu7ouxSaq0aTJj371Zm3dTAx_7cvCJN1o9d7LttCof8z67_NplpdsY1GUFvHwFCbBrX2Tg8FnFiz1FoCoG4a6ZO1g/s1600/Purple+Ribbon.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Oh right, but back to the prompt, which I plan to tweak significantly:<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px; text-align: left;">
<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1432662846">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #12: "Let's Do the Monster Mash!"</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-12-lets-do-the-monster-mash.html">Choose a movie monster that reminds you of your Migraines and tell us why.</a></div>
</blockquote>
The thing is, migraine feels more complicated to me than just a simple old monster, and I want to acknowledge that. Besides, when I am laid out by a bad flare of migraine symptoms, I try to keep my sense of humor. And those the first three little words of the title given by the prompt (but that I did not keep today as my title) make me want to do a dance, but not the Monster Mash!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQiteCRgOKgkgAMV8z7lzKrd9DJT_-RlBnjyyVja8TuBWJ2IhA1w79LHefOzhewJY_i1VhPbk4Fwo1mXj0c3ZHBQ2gz1oJOm1pFazZNKyqdK695-VoB80NLpdbm-QGwYgiUKJWkg/s1600/Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQiteCRgOKgkgAMV8z7lzKrd9DJT_-RlBnjyyVja8TuBWJ2IhA1w79LHefOzhewJY_i1VhPbk4Fwo1mXj0c3ZHBQ2gz1oJOm1pFazZNKyqdK695-VoB80NLpdbm-QGwYgiUKJWkg/s320/Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Don't get me wrong. Dr. Frankenfurter's birthday bash is frightening indeed--and the experience of migraine is astounding, and time does indeed seem to be fleeting as madness takes its toll. But the thing is? I can't turn away, either.<br />
<br />
So more so than some movie monster, what migraine makes me think of is this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/sM1Ahn0Osjo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
It is not just Eugene Hütz's injunction to get your little migraine ribbon on already.<br />
<br />
Part of it may be the seemingly orderly panel discussion at the beginning: this time they will explain it all to me. But then it all goes a little nuts, and the reality of the situation becomes clear. When migraine strikes me down with a fearsome attack, these people are partying in my brain but did not invite me.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel great as an attack gets going--kind of elated, too amused by my own wits, too prone to say something that will get me in trouble. I figure that at that stage, I still believe that maybe this time I will get an invitation.<br />
<br />
But it is all clear when the promise of vanishing sanity and wits comes: It's just a matter of time.<br />
<br />
It kind of scares me how much familiarity with me these Migraine People seem to have with me--how long they have known me. . . .<br />
<br />
And perhaps my own inability to find words I want, or sometimes even to speak, is my cue that I should be switching into primordial Ukrainian, which of course I do not speak, so all I can do is stutter.<br />
<br />
More than anything, though, I love the sense of a cabaret at the end of the world--let's all drink and dance and fuck ourselves stupid, because we are dying anyway.<br />
<br />
One thing I notice when I am experiencing migraine is that it feels less like a foreign occupation or an attack than it does like my own system turning on me, or turning with me. Rational or not, I feel complicit--I'm in the milk and the milk's in me! It's alienating and seductive all at once, that desire to succumb to what the disease is bringing--especially when I am in a situation where I cannot really release myself to it because I am, say, at work. What dancing! What fabulous shoes! People are holding chairs in their teeth! Someone has busted his head through a drum! People are wearing striped tights and playing accordion and shooting bows and arrows and taking off their clothes! And all the while someone keeps trying to close the door on them.<br />
<br />
What do you mean, I'm not invited?<br />
<br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i><br />Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-5061129717795617172012-06-11T17:23:00.002-04:002012-06-11T17:23:48.512-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #11: "Say what?!"Forgive my silence the last couple of days. I did not find that the prompts worked for me, but today's is better:<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px; text-align: left;">
<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1478385768">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #11: "Say what?!"</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-11-say-what.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HeadacheDisorderAwareness+%28Headache+Disorder+Awareness%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">What's the most ridiculous thing ever said to you about Migraines, who said it, and under what circumstances?</a></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
The fact is, people say a lot of inane things, like "I hope your migraine goes away" (that's <i>chronic</i> migraine, my friend) or "Is this squeaky door bothering you?" (said while squeaking the door again and again) or "Are your lights out in your office for a seance?" (no comment).<br />
<br />
What I've got for you is perhaps not the most ridiculous, but definitely the most hurtful thing anyone has said. In my rational mind (aren't I supposed to be listening to that?) I understand that it is also quite ridiculous in its over-the-top-ness and in its how-could-you-say-that-ness, but still. I can't quite laugh yet.<br />
<br />
So the scene: my great uncle is coming for a visit, the same weekend as my mother-in-law and my partner's uncle are visiting. It has been a busy spell at work, which combines with who knows what else to have given me a multi-day migraine flare, which is particularly challenging since I know company is on the way. Add to this that my great uncle's visit was announced quite late in the game, and with no real opportunity for me to suggest an alternate date or anything. Anyway, I am in bed, trying to get some rest and relief before everyone arrives. My great uncle arrives, and my partner answers the door while I collect myself, fix my hair, splash water on my face, and come into the living room. My guest's first words after "hello" are:<br />
<br />
"I'm glad your mother had shown me a picture of you: I would hardly have recognized you, you've gained so much weight."<br />
<br />
At that point, I wanted to invite him to leave by the same door through which he had entered, while not allowing it to confront his posterior as he left, but instead I said, well, thank you. I was sorry to tell him that chronic illness had taken away my ability to exercise regularly--one of my great loves, as well as a means of staying healthy--and that had been truly heart-breaking. It has been quite a difficult period, I said, between dealing with illness and losing one of my means of coping with stress. His response?<br />
<br />
"But you don't look sick."<br />
<br />
Not bad, eh? Two doozies, and all within about 45 seconds of arrival.<br />
<br />
The whole thing was, frankly, crushing. This man had had a kind of mythic role in my mind--the brother of my mother's father, who had been killed in the second world war, so his words stung on that account. And then there was what he said--not a pleasant thing to hear from anyone, especially when it's a sore point of it's own. I kept on a strong face, though, and played a good hostess to him, and then also to my other guests, who arrived not long after he did.<br />
<br />
But when I went to bed that night, there was no sleep anywhere in my brain. I got up and wrote him a frank letter (he had left after dinner). I cried a lot. I tried hard to find some rest to get me through the rest of my visit with my in-laws, but the combination of having already not been feeling well with this emotional upheaval was powerful, and I spent much of the rest of the weekend alternating between trying to be a pleasant host and being in horrible pain.<br />
<br />
I did send him that letter, and he responded with a really kind and, I think, heart-felt apology. And for the most part, I've forgiven him.<br />
<br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: #336600; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i>Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-46172117833832219722012-06-08T17:15:00.001-04:002012-06-08T17:15:21.957-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #8: "Let there be light."I don't know that today's post will generate very interesting writing from me, but there is virtue in getting information out there, so here goes.<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px; text-align: left;">
<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_886074937">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #8: "Let there be light."</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-8-let-there-be-light.html">Most Migraineurs have issues with light sensitivity. What do you do to cope with it?</a></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
1. Sunglasses. Many pairs, with great coverage, and stashed in various locations, including (of course) the car. Prescription and non-prescription. Polarized. For short walks outside and extended duration time. Morning to sunset. On sunny days and cloudy days. People mock you for the latter, but ignore them or make jokes about Corey Hart.<br />
<br />
2. Hats. I'm a super-fan of my <a href="http://www.tilley.com/The-TWC6-Outback-Hat.aspx">Tilley hat</a>, since it provides shade all the way around, which can be a blessing when there is low sun coming in the side car windows. Plus, it's machine-washable and comes with insurance. Ball caps are also good. And straw hats. Heck, hats!<br />
<br />
3. Blinds. Ideally, two sets per window--some that reduce light and some that block it completely. That gets expensive, so those are only crucial for the bedroom.<br />
<br />
4. Hang in the shade, where possible. Not a useful tip for those living in the desert Southwest, but in the Southeast, it helps.<br />
<br />
5. Speak up. If I'm in a meeting and there is strong sun coming in, I ask to move to a different seat or adjust the blinds. Then I usually make a joke about it, because, as anyone with disability knows, it's easier on everyone if the able feel at ease.<br />
<br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i>Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-6458538533036930542012-06-08T17:03:00.002-04:002012-06-08T17:03:15.645-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #7: "List Topper"I missed yesterday's challenge post, so once again I am a day late, but perhaps not a dollar short:<br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px; text-align: left;">
<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1906228916">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #7: List topper.</a></strong></div>
<blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">
<div>
<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-7-list-topper.html">There are lots of myths and misconceptions about Migraine. Which one tops your list as the biggest and most common? What can we do to get the truth out there?</a></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
There are plenty of myths around migraine disease, as with so many other diseases, and that makes it hard to choose a favorite:<br />
"It's just a headache."<br />
"It's just stress."<br />
(Interesting how many of these begin with those same two wretched words. . . .)<br />
"It's all psychosomatic."<br />
<br />
I think, though, that the myth I have the hardest time with is, is the idea that there is a cure out there.<br />
<br />
Which always comes with the accusation that I have not been doing enough to find it.<br />
<br />
"The answer is out there," one well-meaning friend frequently repeats. Or, "Keep seeking the solution." I understand that these statements are supposed to remind me to keep looking for ways to make this better, and to keep up hope, so I try to take them in that spirit, rather than getting pissed off that they seem to be so mis-framed.<br />
<br />
Still: I know I have tried a number of medications, and some do help a bit. But this years-long science experiment--O, the side effects!--has not led me to my silver bullet. What's more, I've heard and read stories from plenty of other migraineurs, all of which end, "so we'll see if this works and if not, keep trying."<br />
<br />
The other side of this are the well-wishers who say that they hope this will go away, or that I'll get well soon. Again, I try to take these wishes in good spirits, even though they might as well be wishing me blond hair, or narrower hips, or blue eyes.<br />
<br />
I wonder sometimes whether just taking these good wishes is the right approach. What if, instead of smiling sweetly, I gave them a little lecture about how "chronic" means it does not go away, how often the headache isn't even the worst part, and how genetic diseases just . . . are?<br />
<br />
How tiresome would that make me, exactly?<br />
<br />
I've considered printing up a little card, and each time someone says something wrong-headed about migraine--whether well intended or not--handing one to them.<br />
<br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i>Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8288562.post-64169292520512145322012-06-06T08:33:00.000-04:002012-06-06T08:33:03.978-04:00Migraine Awareness Month #6: "Name That Tune!"I am super-psyched for today's migraine blogging challenge.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1852985007">Today's prompt is:</a></div>
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<strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1852985007">Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #6: "Name That Tune!"</a></strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-6-name-that-tune.html">Choose a theme song for Migraine disease or your headache disorder. See if you can find a YouTube video of it for your blog post.</a></div>
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My one long-time reader knows that for me to find one theme song for this disease--or really, anything--is impossible. Instead, I have a mix for you. I alluded to this mix in <a href="http://furyblog.blogspot.com/2012/06/migraine-awareness-month-5-do-that-to.html">my previous post</a>, and I have posted it on Spotify, but I have yet to figure out how to share it beyond Facebook. Back in the day, I would also have posted it on The Art of Mix, but alas, it is no more. RIP The Art of the Mix.<br />
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As usual, anyone who wants a copy should contact me, but I should note that this playlist has outgrown the bounds of a CD. (I could either abbreviate it for you of get it to you some other way. We'll talk.)<br />
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Now the disclaimers.<br />
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1. Do not listen to this mix when you are experiencing a migraine attack. There is nothing peaceful or comforting here.<br />
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2. The prevailing mood is dark humor, my #1 strategy for dealing with despair. And hey, if you can't laugh at chronic, genetic, neurological disease, what can you laugh at?<br />
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3. There is a bit of musical range here. Probably everything will not appeal to everyone--except me, of course, but then it is my mix.<br />
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4. Nevertheless, I have broken one of the big rules of mix tape making and included two songs by U2. Trouble is, they both really belong here. So it goes.<br />
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5. No animals were harmed in the compiling of this mix.<br />
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6. Play it loud, when you can.<br />
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7. Dance, suckers.<br />
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Without further ado, the mix:<br />
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HEAD MAGIC (2011)<br />
1. Parliament, "P Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up)"<br />
2. Shuggie Otis, "Aht Uh Mi Hed"<br />
3. Henrik Schwarz, "Leavemyheadalonebrain"<br />
4. Morrissey, "Something Is Squeezing My Skull"<br />
5. Ben Folds, "Dr. Yang"<br />
6. Laurie Anderson, "Stiff Neck"<br />
7. Up, Bustle & Out, "Dance Your Troubles Away"<br />
8. U2, "Vertigo"<br />
9. Suzanne Vega, "Blood Makes Noise"<br />
10. The Rolling Stones, "Dear Doctor"<br />
11. Fred Wesley & the JBs, "Blow Your Head"<br />
12. David Seville, "Witch Doctor"<br />
13. Trombone Shorty, "For True"<br />
14. Paul Simon, "Run That Body Down"<br />
15. Andrew Bird, "Fitz & Dizzyspells"<br />
16. Bjork, "Who Is It? (Carry My Joy on the Left, Carry My Pain on the Right)"<br />
17. The Police, "Voices Inside My Head"<br />
18. No Doubt, "In My Head"<br />
19. Talking Heads, "Radio Head"<br />
20. St. Vincent, "Surgeon"<br />
21. Peter Erskine, "Palle's Headache"<br />
22. U2, "Miracle Drug"<br />
23. Wilco, "Please Be Patient With Me"<br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.headaches.org/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">National Headache Foundation</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">. The Blogger's Challenge is initiated by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><a href="http://www.fightingheadachedisorders.com./" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;">www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></i>Isishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12050282354531898285noreply@blogger.com2