You don't really care for cowbell, do you?

Come on, people: can I not get any takers on my cowbell questions? No one is willing to help me with my mix?

Curses.

I got thinking about it again this morning during a spinning class, where the instructor really had a better than usual array of musical choices for my morning torment. To me, it is the music that really makes a spinning class. Too many instructors choose the a boringly typical array of musical choices. I remember back when I got certified to be a spinning instructor (certification has since lapsed), the teacher made a point of saying "Pick good music." She recommended variety, things with different levels of beats that participants could connect to, not just pop music but surprising choices.

I thought to myself, This is the job for me, because I could not only get paid for getting a workout but also apply my DJ'ing skills. Who could ask for more?

But the instructor today gave me an hour of listening pleasure. Granted, there were a few tracks in there I did not recognize, but mostly it was stuff I knew but did not expect to hear--some Ramones, the theme song to Mortal Kombat (test your might!), a medley of songs with "Jump" in the lyrics, some Shania Twayne, but then, she even included the song that I thought would be the best spinning song of all time.

Can you guess what it was?

"Sing Sing Sing" by Benny Goodman. (Luckily for us she had a shorter 6-minute version, so we did not have to spring for the full 12 minutes and 15 seconds. I have done that on my own, and it is no picnic.)

But back to the cowbell. I was trucking along, maintaining a decent cadence, enjoying the hell out of it, and when suddenly WHAMMO! I realized that Gene Krupa is a mad user of the cowbell!

Who would have guessed?

Well, really if you have ever heard the man whale on a drum set, you should have guessed. I should have guessed, because back in about 1987 I saw a film of the Benny Goodman Orchestra performing the song, and the image of him playing has not left my mind since. Let me tell you: no drummer in rock 'n' roll has anything on Gene Krupa.

The down side is that it might be tough to fit a song lasting 12:15 on my cowbell mix.

Now seriously, if you have any opinions about cowbell mixes, won't you please answer my questions?

Reflections: He laid that golden cowbell on the ground at Johnny's feet.

A while ago--uhm, yes, well, technically quite a while ago--I made mention of a long-time goal of mine: The Ultimate Cowbell Mix. At that time, I suggested that I had little to add to the world of cowbell mixes, because everything I could think of was on this list.

I take that back.

Now that I have truly set my mind to it, I have found many things not on that list, and also now I am not afraid to replicate some things that are there, too, because you know what? The world needs a decent cowbell CD.

You might be surprised by what a diverse array of cowbell music is out there, with more being produced every day! I have tried to limit myself to pretty mainstream stuff, because I figure most listeners are most interested in the cowbell music they most recognize.

There are hitches, however. I find myself listening to some tracks over and over--like "Whiskey You're the Devil" or "My Sharona"--trying to figure out: is that a cowbell? or a woodblock? or a drum rim? And although you might think "Devil's Haircut" has cowbell, it is really something more like a radiator that he is beating on. And what about "Tequila"? The sound in there may be a little too high-pitched to be cowbell, but it is not triangle--so what is it? (Personally I think that list could use some peer review: there are a number of things on it that do not really have the cowbell.)

And be warned: having ventured into the world of cowbell, you may leave with more questions than answers. For example:

* Do synthesized cowbells count?

* Why did Phil Collins not explore the world of cowbell?

* Is there something about the genre of country music that cannot tolerate the cowbell?

* Must guitar-virtuoso rock exclude cowbell? For instance, you might think Heart could get down with some cowbell, but NO, just snare and high hat.

* And what about all those tracks that you could swear have the cowbell--but then when you listen to them again with your eagle ears you find that no, that is just plain old drums or something. Like Outkast's "The Way You Move" or "I Need a Man" by the Eurythmics or "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates. Damn, that's disappointing.

But Dear Readers, I have a few judgment calls for you. If you have opinions about cowbell mixes, would you be so kind as to leave your answers to the following questions in the comments?

1. Should my mix
a. only include the over-the-top blatant cowbell songs, like "Hey Ladies"? (FYI, I have an entire CD's worth that fits this category)
b. alternate between the blatant cowbell songs and more subtle ones, like "Owner of a Lonely Heart" where the cowbell is clearly present but not at the very forefront, or is perhaps muted?

2. When it comes to songs featuring synthesized cowbell sounds (e.g., "U Got the Look"), should I
a. include them?
b. exclude them?

3. When it comes to somewhat more out-there cowbellcentric songs, like Les Claypool's Whamola," should I
a. include one or two of them, just to show the vastness of the cowbell repertoire?
b. show no prejudice against them at all?
c. exclude them in favor of better-known cowbellery?

Anyone who votes will, if they provide me later with a mailing address, receive their very own copy of the mix.

The ladies, the ladies.

J-Walk linked today to a site where you can find out whether or not you are a freak.

That's all well and good, but right after coming across that link, I received clear confirmation from another source that I did not need to take the quiz.

Although I had not heard Mitch Myers's story on All Things Considered yesterday about the place of the cowbell in rock music of the 1970s, I caught the listener letters this afternoon, a couple of which responded to that story. One listener pointed out that this NPR bid for younger listener was alienating a large part of their base--after all, who gives two rips about cowbells in music?

But my response to hearing about the story was different: Finally! I thought, I will be able to finish my cowbell tape. Because back when I was a sophomore in college, and was all about thematic mixtapes, I thought I should make such a thing. (Dear reader: do not be fooled by this furious attempt to distance myself from this tendency. In fact, I still tend to compile such things at the most inappropriate of moments.)

It turns out that Mitch Myers's story hinged on a link to The Cowbell Project, sponsored by Geek Speak Weekly. I was all ready to click the "Submit a Cowbell Song" link, but first I looked at what they had already.

A#1 on my list was "Hey Ladies" from Paul's Boutique, so I searched on that. They've got it. And "Grazing in the Grass" by Hugh Masekela, which may be one of the alltime best cowbell songs ever. And then the B-52s. And AC/DC. And "Jive Talkin'." And Love and Rockets. And "Camel Walk." And "Groove Is in the Heart." But--I bow to you, Cowbell Project--they had all of them already, and of course more.

In fact, right there on the Cowbell Project site, is a furious wetdream, an amazing list of cowbell songs. And despite what the NPR story made it sound like, they are not all '70s big rock songs. No no no, they go all over the place: look for yourself!

My only complaint is that the link to "Songs That Should Have a Cowbell" elicits a tantalizing list of songs to which they have added a cowbell--but none of them will play! Oh cruel cruel world, that has such dead links in it!