This is just to say

that I did not tell Bob Woodward that Valerie Plame was an undercover CIA agent.

If you can say the same without risking an indictment for perjury, won't you join Michael Bérubé in doing so?

Danger: Neil Diamond ahead.

According to John Gormley, it is the new Neil Diamond CD that has created the most problems for people loading Sony CDs onto their computers. Not Celine Dion, but still.

Congratulations to Tim for an outstanding performance on 650 CKOM AM representing The Sony Boycott today: articulate, clear, thoughtful consciousness raising. Go Tim.

And what I love best about listening to Saskatchewan radio is that the weather guy says the temp is -1, that tomorrow night the temps are "only going down to zero," and there are ads for Sorrell boots, suggesting you get some decent footwear before the cold weather hits.

I miss the north.

The only station in Saskatoon for breaking news.

Tim is going to be on the air on 650 AM CKOM Saskatoon in about 10 minutes, discussing the Sony Boycott.

There is a live stream: give it a listen!

***UPDATE!!!!***
Congrats to Tim for the well-deserved on-the-air recognition for his good work over at The Sony Boycott Blog. I believe John Gormley just said was that Tim's site is the "best on the web" on this topic. Hear! Hear!

Sunshine, get in my belly!

Happy Birthday to me.

Good morning, Nittany Lions.

Thanks to atombrain over at the Penn State Football Forum for the link. Imagine my surprise at 8:15 this morning when I discovered that this humble blog had received 25 hits already this morning. You know this blog well enough to know that such would be amazing traffic for an entire day! And it turns out that since 7:30 or so last night, nearly all the Nittany Lions have come to see me, and all because I wrote this.

Now mind you, I wrote that a month ago. And then some.

On the Penn State Football Forum someone wrote that the Wolverine fan who keeps posting on that site about the Michigan victory is paying PSU a huge compliment, because that victory was obviously the highlight of the UM season.

And that person was right!!!!

So welcome, Penn State fans. You have a fine program over there. I admire your coach tremendously. Just cut a UM alum a break, and let her relish a rare victory.

Go Lions. Beat the hell out o' them Spartans.

Little Debbie, Little Debbie, I'm a-comin' home, Baby!

Send your gurgling good birthday wishes to the Cod today. It's number 29 again, I understand.

In honor of The Birthday Cod, here is a collection of food songs. They are not all the kind requested, true odes to ingredients, and yet, and yet, and yet. How can you scoff at the menu?: jelly rolls, pasta with pesto, english muffins, Captain's Wafers, waffles, crawfish pie, fried neck bones (and some home fries), cherry popsicles, a wish sammich, polk salad, fillet mignon, and some sweet tea--a Grade-A meal, when I'm in the mood.

If you'd like your own copy, let me know.

Meantime, Happy Birthday to You, TGC!

MORE SPICE THAN THE FRUGAL GOURMET
Bessie Smith, "Kitchen Man"
Beastie Boys, "Finger-Lickin' Good"
Lyle Lovett, "Texas Trilogy: Daybreak"
The Evolution Control Committee, "Breakfast"
Simon & Garfunkel, "Punky's Dilemma"
Little Milton, "Grits Ain't Groceries"
The Evolution Control Committee, "Lunch"
Southern Culture on the Skids, "Banana Puddin'"
The Chips, "Rubber Biscuit"
Original Broadway Cast of CAROUSEL, "A Real Nice Clambake"
Tom Waits, "Ice Cream Man"
Kelis, "Milkshake" (I know)
Royal Crown Revue, "Salt Peanuts"
Southern Culture on the Skids again, "Camel Walk" (EP version)
Willie Bobo, "Fried Neckbones and Some Homefries"
Chico O'Farrill and Clark Terry, "Spanish Rice" (DJ Dolores remix)
Tony Joe White, "Polk Salad Annie"
The Evolution Control Committee, "Dinner"
Fats Domino, "Jambalaya (on the Bayou)"
Reverend Horton Heat, "Eat Steak"
The JBs, "Pass the Peas"
Bessie Smith, "Need a Little Sugar in My Bowl"
Bob Dylan, "Country Pie"
The Beatles, "Savoy Truffle"
Diana Krall, "Peel Me a Grape"
Tom Waits, "Eggs and Sausage"
Talking Heads, "Stay Hungry"

Low-maintenance girl with a high-maintenance haircut.

Recently I have realized some significant problems with my training journal, and I think it is time I took them seriously.

For one thing, I tend to use it too much like the kinds of diaries too many of us kept as adolescents.

Dear Workout Journal, Can you believe that set we were supposed to do last week? I mean, Oh My God, how in the world did the Coach believe that was do-able? And p.s. I think the boy in lane 2 is kind of cute. Oh wait! He's my HUSBAND!

But more importantly, although I try to keep track of how much swimming I do, and what I eat, and whether I get any extra exercise (raking leaves counts!), I have not come up with a matrix for monitoring the ever-growing presence of crapola in my life. Ahem, my work life--details too boring to enumerate, but I feel confident you can all insert personal analogues and know what I mean. And yet, this crapola has a serious impact on my athletic performance.

Or at least that is how I understand what happened at practice last night and then this morning, when I was simply incapable of completing sets that should not have posed significant challenges. Or really any challenge.

And that last night I had a dream about swim practice (having lots of those lately: please, will the psychoanalysts among you help me? 10 cents please). In the dream I was trying to swim a set of butterfly, but I could not get my arms to move forward. It was a little like a drill we do in practice where you swim the butterfly pull like normal, but then on the recovery part, you bring your arms forward underwater instead of over the surface. But in the dream, where I was somehow swimming the stroke but experiencing the drill, it was even harder than usual, because the resistance of the water was almost overwhelming.

Now I realize that I was trying to swim through the crapola that is taking over my life.

So once you realize that your life is spiraling out of control, and that you are fundamentally violating your own principles (such as: Your job is a job, not your life.), what in the world do you do to regain control?

Help me Obi-Readers. You are my only hope. (Well, you and holiday break.)

Bank Holiday Madlib.

If you find yourself too filled with rage and dismay reading President Bush's Veterans Day speech in Tobyhanna (login required), fear not, because I have the solution for all your woes.

Presidential Speech Madlibs! The idea is simple, but indebted to The Sony Boycott Blog for its origin. All you need to do to play is to provide a list of words to fit the following categories:

1. [group of people]
2. [another group of people]
3. [a different group of people]
4. [ideology or system of beliefs]
5. [noun, modified if you like]
6. [region]
7. [principle or idea or feeling]
8. [another principle or idea or feeling]
9. [plural noun]
10. [adjective]
11. [celebrity]
12. [another celebrity]
13. [place]
14. [celebrity]
15. [profession]
16. [celebrity surname]
17. [current-events-related noun]
18. [another current-events-related noun]
19. [same place as #13]
20. [name for a group of people]
21. [well-detailed action, using a verb in the infinitive]
22. [another well-detailed action, using an -ing verb]
23. [same place as #13]
24. [noun]
25. [noun]

OK! Now we're ready to play! Simply insert your twenty-five results into the blanks I have provided in an abridged version of our Commander-in-Chief's speech!

You will find the version with the blanks open at the bottom of this post, but here is what the PP came up with:

Some call this evil Jedi knights, others steroid-using ballplayers, and still others evangelical Christians. Whatever it's called, this ideology is very different from existentialism.

First, these extremists want to end American and Western dirty socks in the Milky Way, because we stand for rage and fraternité and stand in the way of their earmuffs.

And the shiny, happy world knows very well that other fanatics in history, from Hitler to Stradivarius to Jacques Monod, consumed whole nations in war and genocide before leaving the stage of history.

This week, the government of Mt. Everest took two disturbing steps. First, it arrested God for serving as a masseuse. Then President Rumpelstilskin delivered a strident speech that attacked both the majority whip and the failed presidency.

The government of Mt. Everest must do what Manchester United has demanded: unclog the jammed-up copy machine, and stop riding other drivers’ asses and flashing their lights like a chucklehead.

The government of Mt. Everest must stop exporting Birkenstocks and start importing long-haul truck drivers.

THE MADLIB YOU CAN PLAY YOURSELF

Some call this evil [1], others [2] and still others [3]. Whatever it's called, this ideology is very different from [4].

First, these extremists want to end American and Western [5] in [6], because we stand for [7] and [8] and stand in the way of their [9].

And the [10] world knows very well that other fanatics in history, from Hitler to [11] to [12], consumed whole nations in war and genocide before leaving the stage of history.

This week, the government of [13] took two disturbing steps. First, it arrested [14] for serving as [15]. Then President [16] delivered a strident speech that attacked both the [17] and the [18].

The government of [19] must do what [20] has demanded: [21], and stop [22].

The government of [23] must stop exporting [24] and start importing [25].

And don't say I never gave you nothing!

Unfortunate purchase.

His loss is our gain. Read the description.

Meet Report #3

This weekend was the Rock Hill Rays Fall Fling. Let's just say my performance was acceptable but nothing to write home about. Or to your blog about, yet here I am.

In case you are thinking of traveling to Rock Hill, South Carolina, you might bear in mind that there is no road in or out of the town that is not under construction. And you know what? Those orange barrels really are not that helpful when the construction equipment is also orange, as are the outfits the workers are wearing, and so is the dirt. SC Route 5 from the highway toward town is about to be widened, yet rather than completing one part before moving on, SCDOT appears to be doing it all at once. Or all not at once, given that I did not see much progress happening--but that hasn't kept them from tearing out trees and flattening the ground along the sides of the existing road. I said to the PP that the whole scene reminded me of the way I have imagined some of the Soviet Union looking--stripped land, bleak dirt piles, and 50-year-old construction equipment.

But oh yeah: I was supposed to write to you about the meet. Well, don't get too excited. One best time (100 BR) out of seven events, but let's chalk this one up to meet experience--getting some feedback from the coach, learning some things that I need to work on between now and May, practicing dealing with jitters.

There was a mom there wearing a shirt that said, "If I only had one day left to live, I would spend it at a swim meet, because those last forever." And she was not kidding. After I swam in the 200 IM, I cooled down, talked to the coach, put drops in my ears, dried off, found my glasses, and walked up into the bleachers to see the PP (who had to sit with all the moms, since the deck area was restricted), and by the time I got there, we still were nowhere near the end of the event, which had something like 12 heats.

COMPLETE RESULTS:
200 free: 2:30.37
100 breast: 1:19.43
100 fly: 1:19.58
50 free: :30.18
200 IM: 2:48.04
200 breast: 2:54.50
100 free: 1:07.63

Onward to the Greenville meet, in early December!