Saturday, May 19, 2007


Let me tell you, my friends, how to take the perfect shower:

1. Wait three weeks and one day since your previous shower. During the intervening time, you may bathe and you may wash your hair in sinks, but you will never feel your regular clean.

2. Choose a shower with fabulous miraculous wonderful beyond your memory water pressure.

3. Use scented soap.

4. But stand there for a while in the water falling down on your head, before you break out the soap or shampoo or washcloth.

5. Take your shower in a house with a smoke detector right outside the bathroom, but do not remember to disconnect it. This way you are never certain whether your perfect shower might end at any moment, with chaos and loud noises and drippy tracks from the shower to find a chair and then try to disconnect the damn deafening thing.

6. Find out afterwards that someone did a deal with the gods, so the blasted alarm never once interrupted you.

7. Wash your ears for the first time in two weeks and one day.

8. Wash your hair with both hands because now both arms reach (somewhat) comfortably over your head.

9. Let the water rush down over your hair and body for as long as you can possibly stand.

10. Isn't that amazing?


Anonymous said...

How delicious for you. Terrific that the shower felt so glorious. Glad the smoke alarm was quiet--maybe it went off and you just couldn't hear it because you hadn't cleaned your ears. :)


Magpie said...

Yeah, and yeah for getting the PICC line out!

Yarngineer said...

Oh my gosh, you take me back...

Back when I used to go 6-7 days without a shower, out in the woods with the Army. Down in the NC and TX heat, humidity and insects. I mean, you have not smelled BO until you have done something like that. Cause your only showers were wet wipes or portable shower baggies (and being a woman, we really didn't have the luxury of field showers). I used to go home, call the pizza delivery guy, get in the shower, and stay in there for half an hour, scrubbing like CRAZY with the water on as hot as I could stand it. I would wash my hair at least twice!

Then I would get out, eat the pizza, and take another shower. :) I feel your pain. Sometimes I think everyone should have to do stuff like this to realize how lucky they are to have all these nice things in our lives. So we don't take them for granted.

MartyTheFool said...


I've had that feeling too recently. Sometimes you go so long, you don't even see the thing that's missing. Lucky for you it was only weeks. (or you might have sort of smelled up the place).

Isis said...

The funny thing is, that with these hard-core antibiotics, your body produces no odors. Granted, that is convenient, but it is a little surreal, too.

Thanks for the nice comments!

Yarngineer said...

Hey, yo, you been tagged. Now bring it with yo bad self and 8 things.

Just kidding. But yeah, you are tagged.

Joe said...

Now you know how a homeless person must feel after they have their first shower in ages. I bet you have a new appreciation for the miracle of hot, running water.